Sicker Than Love
by a nyr byrjun
Summary: "I can't remember life before the heroin. All I know is that ever since I'd met you, I had never felt such a rush of europhia. The last thing I'd wanted to do was to get addicted, but you made sure I did, bringing me back for more until it was an unspoken request from the door of your apartment and to your bedroom." Mature.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: So I don't know where exactly the idea for this story came from but I just couldn't help but to write it. I warn you this is going to be graphic, probably make you uncomfortable, and yes I know it's fucked up, but I believe people should write what they want, what they can't stop thinking about and this is one of those things that wouldn't leave me._

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight._

* * *

I can't remember life before the heroin. All I know is that ever since I'd met you, I had never felt such a rush of europhia. The last thing I'd wanted to do was to get addicted, but you made sure I did, bringing me back for more until it was an unspoken request from the door of your apartment and to your bedroom.

I knew then you'd want me on my knees, and that I wouldn't get anything until I managed to get you off. Desperately, I'd reach with shaky hands, eyes red with withdrawal. I'd sweat, and wrap my lips around your cock, trying not to let the nausea I felt get in the way of taking you in deep.

I'd look up at you then, begging with my eyes for you to see how much I needed only what you could give me. You'd clutch at my roots and pull my hair, knowing that this was hardly the way to make me feel pain; keeping the drugs in the safe was the most effective way to keep me crawling back to you, though I'd tried to escape many times before.

Your rough thrusts hardly registered, for the pain in my bones ruled out everything else, and I swear there were tears in my eyes from waiting for you to come.

"Jake, please," I begged you, though I knew it'd only make you take that much longer before giving me the needle, but I couldn't stop myself. I felt like my body was turning on itself, and the pain was the stuff of nightmares. "It hurts."

Your hand was rough on my jaw, and your eyes were cold. Never would I have thought when I first met you that we'd come to this. I'd been too trusting, too naive. But truthfully, I'd never imagined anything like this would have happened to me. I'd head so many horror stories on the news about what would happen to girls like me on the streets, but I had trusted you to do right by me. Boy, had I been stupid to think you honestly loved me.

"Finish me off, or else you get nothing. You'll be hurting for days, and I'll make sure Jasper doesn't fall for any of your tricks." I grasped onto your cock with a new sense of desperation, helpless and sniveling to your will.

I don't know how you managed to come down my throat with your lap full of tears, but I think that's what got you off the most. How you'd reduced me down to nothing but a vessel of need, that if not met, would be the death of me made my stomach feel like dry heaving. I couldn't stop the shaking, couldn't eliminate the sickening crawling that I'd felt come over my skin.

Finally you pulled your jeans up and I shuffled over to the far end of the room. I listened to each click as you turned the dial from one number to the next with the great anticipation. Sweat seemed to drip from every crevice of my body, and my eyes zoned in on the kit in your hands.

"Here, baby. I'm going to make you feel all better." You pulled me up by my arm gently, and took me onto your lap. You nuzzled your nose into my hair as you tapped my skin and waited for a vein to rise to the surface.

I felt the prick of the needle then, and cried out in relief. My body stilled and I knew nothing until the next morning.

* * *

I feel someone's lips on my neck, pressing gentle, smooth kisses. I know it's not you, but I don't feel wrong for arching into whoever's mouth touches my skin.

"Darlin' where've you been? It's been a while since I saw you last."

"Jasper?" My panties are being pulled off and before I can rub the sleep from my eyes, his fingers are stroking at the nub between my legs. I open them without hesitation and cry out when his fingers suddenly plunge deep. "But Jake..."

"Shh, he knows how much I've missed you and baby when I'm through, I'll show you the good shit I just scored."

It's hard to get wet, and so he brings his face down between my legs and doesn't stop until my thighs are trembling around his head and I'm pulling at his golden hair with a desperation that's become essential to my life.

Unbuckling his belt, he drags my body down the mattress until I'm laying with my legs handing over the edge. He grasps my at my flesh with his hands and drive in deep, making me scream within minutes. I don't know if it's day or night or where you've gone, but I don't fight against his invasion.

I can't stop thinking about what he means by _good shit,_ but I trust that he won't deny me once he's taken his fill of my nimble body. Unlike you, Jasper isn't cruel. He gives me just enough to last well after he's gone and if there's anyone I'd rather belong to than you, it's him.

"Please," I beg when he swivels his hips, pressing hard against my clitoris at each pass he makes.

"More?" He asks, with a smug expression. "You need more cock?" I nod at his crude language, feeling myself spasm with a vengeance around him. Every time he thrusts deep, I find myself making small yelps as he takes refugee in my body, mindful of my pleasure as well as his.

"She's a greedy one, isn't she?" You ask, and I turn my head to find you leaning against the white plaster of the doorway. There's a hard look in your eyes, though there's a smile on your lips, I know you're angry. But you don't dare deny Jasper. He's your supplier and one of the most dangerous men in Seattle.

"Fuck, her pussy is glorious." He says, and in that moment he begins to thrust so deeply, I have to hold onto his shoulders to find some semblance of stability. It hurts when he pushes inside so roughly, and I know he's enjoying fucking me for more than just my body, but because he loves showing how much power he holds over you, more than you'll ever hold over me.

I can't look away from your eyes as he buries his face into my hair, and I watch as the anger grows until it's a seed of resentment for me. I know when he leaves, you'll try to take my score away and leave me wanting until I come crawling back to you, on hands and knees.

Just when I think Jasper will come inside me, he pulls out, stroking his cock vigorously with the help of all the wetness I've provided. I make a move to go onto my knees, an unspoken act of utter submission, but he pushes my shoulder back and says, "Turn around."

I know what he's going to do, but I can't help but to hesitate, looking over my shoulder for your permission. You lean, stone-faced, your arms crossed so tightly I can see the veins in your biceps bulge.

Jasper doesn't appreciate that, and so he presses the back of my neck down onto the bed until I have hair in my mouth and I have no choice but to put a hand on either of my cheeks, and spread them.

He doesn't prepare me at all, and when he pushes inside, it burns. He rides me until tears are streaming out of the corners of my eyes, and I have to stop the sob that's right on the edge of my lips when he presses all the way up until I feel like he's split me in two.

But just when I feel like he's betrayed me in some way, he starts to stroke my pussy with sure fingers. "You're gonna come with my cock in your ass, do you understand me?"

"Yes, Jasper." And I do, crashing right over the edge of reality with a scream that I'm sure the tenants next door can hear.

He follows soon after, leaning his full body weight on top of mine. I feel his lips on the back of my neck, and his forearm comes to wrap around my collarbone. The door slams behind us, and I know you've had enough. But I'm so tired, and worn out, I try not to think about how much trouble I'll be in when Jasper leaves and I'm stuck with your wrath.

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 _A/N: If you've stuck with me until now, please leave me a review. They're a writer's best friend :)_

 _\- a nyr byrjun_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: First off I want to say a big thank you to all the people who put this story on their favorites, their alerts and left a review. It means a lot to me, so much so that I'd thought I'd continue. I hope you like this, and keep in mind, this is a dark story and it's only going to get darker. If that's not your thing, I'd steer clear.**

 **Disclaimer: I do no** **t own Twilight.**

 **Note: Unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own.**

* * *

The door slams and I know you've gone out. The rattle works it's way through the small apartment, and I shudder back in Jasper's chest before I can stop myself. I can feel his lips on the small of my back, and his fingertips caressing the side of my left hip, slowly dragging before he digs his grip deep.

"One of these days I'm gonna take you back with me, to Chicago for a little while."

"I don't think that would make Jacob very happy."

"Fuck what makes him happy. As long as he's working for me all he should be concerned about is pushing my stuff out on the streets. He's lucky he's had you this long."

I imagine a life with him, a life without you. I can see it, and just that fact alone makes me feel like I'm betraying you, though that's all you've ever done to me. Made me hope, made me dream just to crush it with your meaty fingers and hard fists. All the dope in the world, it sounds like a paradise.

"What about Alice?" I ask, thinking of the pixie Jasper keeps by his side whenever he rolls into Seattle.

"Alice knows I have a soft spot for you." Alice knows and I can already see the hard line of her lips if she were to see us together. Like you, she's forced to watch us fuck whenever Jasper feels like it. I think he gets off on using my body to exhibit just how much power he holds over everyone beneath him. Once, he'd lain on the floor of our living room during a party and took me over his hips. Ride me, he'd said, and bunching my dress over my hips, he'd made sure everyone could see me grounding down his cock, making his shaft more slippery with every pass.

I'd came so hard Alice had run into the bathroom, and cried the entire night. Jasper had called for her, and seeing the tracks from her tears on her cheeks, gestured for me to go on my knees. He'd opened the button on his jeans, and when she had turned to walk away, his hand had shot out and taken her upper arm.

"Let go of me!"

"You're going to fucking watch, Alice. If you're going to be with me, you're going to watch."

I'd taken his cock deep into my throat, laving at the head until his eyes went into the back of his head. He'd gripped her arm so hard, she'd started to cry again, and didn't stop until it was over. When he came, he let go, and pulled me up into his lap. Weaving his hand into my dark hair, he'd taken my lips with his and felt his way underneath my dress to find me bare and wet.

I remember you clearing your throat then, and taking me from his arms into the back room. A vein pulsed in your neck, and when I opened my mouth to say something, you'd shoved me down.

"You like cocks so much?" You'd slapped me across the face, and righted me back on my knees. You drove into my mouth without warning, and I choked, finding it hard to breathe. When I finally got used to your rough rhythm, you pulled out, fisting yourself into my face. I'd opened up, ready for whatever you were willing to give me, but you'd changed your mind at the last second.

You came down on the ground with me, and positioning me on my hands and knees, dove into my pussy so hard I'd thought it lucky that Jasper had prepared me. Your hand came around my neck them, fingers bruising on my tender flesh.

"Whose are you?" Your breath had been ragged, and violence seeped from every part of your soul. I answered the only way I knew how. The way you'd taught me.

"Yours. I'm yours, Jake."

* * *

I woke when your keys hit the counter top in the kitchen. I knew by the sound of your steps that you'd cooled down, but your fury hadn't been burned entirely. If anything, the look in your eyes seemed more vicious than when you'd left, as if you had used your time outside to think about just how you wanted me to suffer, how you would teach me a lesson.

"What's in the bag?" You glanced down at the black bag you had wired through your fingers, and I watched as the corner of your lip turned up. I knew whatever was dangling at your side only meant torture for me.

"Just a little something. Well it's not little, but it'll do." The skin on the back of my neck tingled. I swallowed, taking in the way you walked toward the bed, like a predator, like a wolf in the forest that had just happened upon a soft, white rabbit. I pictured that way it would close it's jaw around the rabbit's neck, and snap into the flesh with it's teeth, crimson soaking into white alabaster fur. I waited for the moment when you too would pounce.

Instead you'd done something that shocked me. You leaned down and kissed me, your tongue slipping in through my lips. I moaned against your mouth, and came up on my knees on the bed. That prompted you further; your hand came underneath my slip and you traced my lips with reverence, coating your fingers before diving deep. You found the bundle of nerves that made me wither easily enough, and in moments, I was your slave.

"Where's Jasper?" You whispered against my lips, still pumping your fingers though I'd came already.

"He left, said he'd be back later." My words struggled to make their way out of my lips, and by the end, I'd whimpered and sagged against your body forgetting whatever question you'd just asked. All I knew was that you getting me ready for something, that I should enjoy this giving side of you while it lasted. But if anything, I should have known you had something much less pleasant underneath your sleeve, waiting to catapult me back into reality, the hell of being yours.

"Lay back." I obeyed, spreading my legs and fanning out my arms. I watched as you shrugged off your leather jacket, appreciating the way your black shirt clung to your abdomen and your arms. When you breathed, your stomach clenched in such a delicious way, it was almost enough to justify still loving you.

Your belt buckle gleamed in the low lighting of the afternoon dimness, and I smiled, swaying my hips off the bed, wanting you.

"Your hands." I gave you my wrists, only to feel you wrap metal around them. I pulled back, confused, feeling the bite of the handcuffs a moment too late.

"Jake, what are you doing?" I could hear the panic in my own voice then, and you smiled, your face taking on a sadistic glow about it that made me shiver in my restraints.

"Whatever I want."

I tried kicking you then, feebly trying to fight you off as you came to hover over me. It was no use. You used your fists to subdue me, until my lips felt as wide as my eyes. I felt like laughing when I saw the vibrator. Had I reacted so harshly over only more pleasure?

You turned it on and pressed it against my clit, holding it in place, and watched as my eyes turned from fearful to hosts of clouded pleasure.

You took it away then before sliding it inside me, until only an inch was left for your fingers to rock it back and forth.

"Baby, look at me." Your voice was so soft then, so loving. I forgave you instantly for hitting me, and obeyed, knowing if I did merely as you asked, you would forgive me too. "Tell me you love me," the fingers from your other hand came up again, and rested on my clit, rubbing furiously at the hard bud.

"I love you, Jake."

A desperate look came over your face then, one I'd never seen before. "You mean it?" You slid the vibrator faster, harder, as I spasmed over and over again.

I nodded, sucking in a deep breath. The sensations were becoming too much; my legs started to shake, and I wanted you to stop. But you didn't let up, not even when I begged. I saw then what you had meant to do. I started to cry, feeling as if I were to combust at any moment.

"You should do your best to remember it, then." And with that, your fingers slid away, replaced by your tongue. You took my legs over your shoulders, and I moaned, delirious to the rhythm of your strokes.

I came until I couldn't keep my eyes open, until the last thing I saw was the image of your head between my thighs, reminding me in your own way I'd never be rid of you.

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 **A/N: I'd very much appreciate to hear your thoughts in a review, I don't know what you're feeling unless you tell me.**

 **Until next time,**

 **a nyr byrjun**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: You thought this story was dark? It's going to get darker.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

 **Note: Unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own.**

* * *

Jasper returns and you're on edge again. I can see it by the way your hands clench into fists at your sides and your eyes tighten, the brown depths showing just how intense your anger is. We sit on the sofa, watching the television. I lay, curled like a sated cat on your lap, my inner elbow still wet with blood from the needle you pushed through the skin not a half hour ago.

I watch the colorful figures on the screen, resting my head on your jean clad thigh. You pet my head slightly, stroking your fingers through my locks, but still don't say a word. I know better than to greet him, and so I concentrate on the scent of you, still ripe and musky from where we made love after you'd lapped at my pussy. You'd held me, tender and soft, and looked into my eyes as you buried yourself so deep in me, it felt as if we were truly one.

"I see you got started without me." Jasper nods at the glazed look in my eyes.

"Bella started hurting." Your voice is curt and your jaw is so tight it looks ready to snap with any word you speak.

"Did you?" I nod, tucking my legs underneath my sprawled being. He comes to sit next to me and reaches with a sneaky hand to tickle the soles of my feet. I let out a startled giggle and find I can't stop laughing, that letting go in this tense moment is infectious.

You all but push off the sofa when Jasper leans over and takes the skin of my neck into his mouth, teeth teasing and ever so light from being painful.

I can feel your rage as if it is an entity in and of itself, swelling every moment Jasper lays a claim on me though I've sworn myself to you.

Your hands are tied. You can't go against him unless you want to lose your own skin. But I know you're growing close to giving into madness, to cutting ties and taking me away with you. But I don't want to leave. Not when the hold of your leash cuts into my neck so that blood drips from the leather, from the wound so vivid, the color blooms and drowns everything in sight; in your love is murder, the death of me.

* * *

You order in that night. Jasper takes me once more on the sofa, but this time, I know not to give into the feeling of him inside me; I stare at you from across the room where you're leaning against the kitchen counter. The buzzer sounds, and you push off to get the door, pulling out dirty bills from your back pocket and come back with the rectangular box that signals lazy afternoons and movie marathons in your hands.

You set the pizza on the table, but don't call for us. A bead of sweat runs down Jasper's forehead and onto my breast and he thrusts once more, twice, seeking his release in my flesh, to let go inside the body that obeys his every whim. But he struggles, pauses and a look of desperation crosses his golden face.

His hand comes up from my thigh to take hold around my neck. He pushes down, stealing oxygen from my lungs, and grinds his pelvis against my clit, sparing it not a moment to be left untouched. He knows this I can't ignore, not even as I try my hardest to keep my promise to Jacob, that being hurt is one of my triggers.

I can feel the heat in my face arise, and my throat tries in vain to swallow but I can't. I only grow more slippery around him, the sound of his cock pressing deep becoming audible in the small room the harder he presses me down and deprives me the air I need.

I begin to cry, desperate to come, desperate not to. My stomach tightens and I shut my eyes, concentrating hard on stilling the orgasm that threatens to work through me.

"Please," I whimper. I feel Jasper's lips graze mine, and his hot breath on my skin.

"Come for me, darlin'." I open my eyes to find his full of heat and something else I can't quite decipher. I shake my head vigorously, trying to dispel him for the first time from inside me.

"No!" I claw at his hand, my nails raking down his forearm and hear him hiss.

I hear a swift and sudden click, and time stops. "Get the fuck off her."

You hold a gun to the back of his head, and I watch with frightful eyes as Jasper swallows harshly before he finally eases his grip from around my neck. He holds his hands up, and glares as he turns his head to face you.

"You wouldn't," he dares.

You pull the safety off. "You don't know a fucking thing about me. Get. Up. Or I'll blow your fucking brains out."

Jasper pulls out of me, his erection slowly falling limp against his thigh, wet.

"Jake, put the gun down. Please, baby," I plead, my voice breaking.

"I should just end it here. Get rid of this motherfucker who put his hands all over you." Your arm is tense, and you speak with conviction. Jasper and I both know you'll do what you say, and so the silence thickens, growing with each violent word you speak.

"Don't. If you love me, you won't." I come up on my knees then, and you glance at me a second before you fix your eyes back on Jasper, ready, waiting for him to make a move that will force your hand.

"All he's done is tear us apart. Before..before him you knew who you belonged to, and now it's like every time I fucking turn around the two of you are together." Your eyes burn with emotion, and I know by the way the whites are turning red that you're barely holding it together, holding back the urge to put down the animal that's taken something that isn't his, and never was.

"You let me have her! You were the one who let me fuck her." Jasper shouts, his entire body coiled with tension, every muscle strained and ready for the attack he perceives is on the horizon of this night.

"I didn't let you! You took and you took and you fucking took. You're a greedy bastard who couldn't give a shit about the next person, but that's about to change." You nod to me, and I can already feel that you've lost it. "Get the handcuffs, Bella."

I hesitate, knowing I should to listen to everything that comes out of your mouth, but find my limbs are frozen. "Bella!" You bark, and I flinch at the harsh sound of your voice. "Get the cuffs. Don't make me ask again."

Tears begin to cascade down my cheeks and I scramble to the bedroom to find the pair you carelessly tossed down on the bed once you'd released me hours ago. You'd rubbed at my sore wrists, kissing the broken skin before taking the back of my neck into your hand, pulling me close for a kiss that'd left no question just what I was to do. That I must obey from here on out, or else.

I come back into the room to find the scene the same. You stand with the gun in your hand, your aim square on Jasper's face. He hasn't lowered his arms, but the expression on he wears is enough to deem if he does get out alive, you won't survive to face another day, much less keep me.

I hold the metal handcuffs in my hands, and my arm trembles as I hold them out to you. "Jacob, please put down the gun. Let's talk about this." I rub your arm, making my touch as gentle as possible only for you to remain stoic. Nothing I say or do will mean a thing. Jasper's fate has been decided ever since he'd first laid his eyes on me, and thought you'd stay silent forever.

"There's nothing left to talk about."

* * *

You latch one cuff to his wrist and the other to the radiator, the metal latching around one of the exposed columns.

"What are you gonna do? Keep me here forever?"

"No," you say, and the finality in your tone makes Jasper bristle.

"Get this shit off me!"

"Bella, get me the needle on the counter." You crouch on the balls of your feet, and take his free arm into your hand. You hold him still while he jerks, and it isn't until I bring you what you've asked for that the reality of the situation dawns on Jasper. You take the needle from my shaky fingers and slap the inside of his forearm, waiting for a vein to rise to the surface, blue leaning purple beneath the inflamed skin.

"No! No!" You jab the needle deep, taking no care in injecting the life's blood of all junkies into his bloodstream. I watch with lustful eyes, morbidly taken by the sight, as gruesome as it is, and strangely voyeuristic.

Jasper's never sampled the goods, and that's why he's lasted as long as he has. He deals with a clear head, and has never let himself get addicted to anything except fucking me. By giving him the heroin, you've ruined his entire life, and you know it. He's yours as I've been yours, and now you own the both of us.

* * *

"I have a way to make you feel not so sad anymore." I hadn't believed you, but some small hopeful part of me, a part of me that you were somehow in tune with, wanted you to be right.

You started me out with something small; a circular white pill that sat in the palm of your dark hand.

"What is it?"

"Ecstasy." You'd said, your eyes gleaming in the dim light of your living room. All you'd had on was the lamp, and so only our faces remained illuminated while the rest of the house sat in muted darkness.

"What does it do?" You'd reached over and stroked my cheek with the back of your hand. How sweet I must have been to you. How naive, and utterly yours before I even knew it.

"It'll make you feel good. I promise."

"Okay." I took the pill from your hand and held it in mine for only a moment before I tossed it back and swallowed. I watched as the corners of your lips turned up, and how your eyes seemed to darken with lust at the sight of me, so innocent, so trusting.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" Your hand grasped my knee before you reached underneath my skirt, fingers seeking what I hadn't given you yet.

I blushed, and rested my head in the crook of your neck, enjoying the way your lips began to trail down my neck, and shivered at the feel of your teeth, sharp and teasing. Your mark seemed easier to bear then. I'd wanted to.

"Jake," I'd breathed.

You'd pushed past the barrier of my panties in moments, and were sheathed inside before I even knew it. Your fingers stroked my clit, and dragged along my flesh before plunging deeper, finding that spot that had me panting in moments. A moan grew in my throat, soft at first, then louder, more desperate.

Even then I hadn't realized just what you intended to do. I'd been blinded by the drugs, the sex, your eyes. It wasn't clear just how far your possession would stem, how the need to make me your slave was already driving you insane. All you could see was me, and everything, along with my cares and my wants, fell away.

* * *

"Jake," I begged. "It's been hours. I need..I need-"

"I know, baby. Shush. I'll make it all better for you. Come're." I climbed into your lap on the sofa, not minding Jasper's unconscious body on the floor. He was still breathing, but in another world completely, one I wanted desperately to visit myself.

You watched as the tears started to stream down my cheeks, and took my mouth with yours, a different kind of hunger than my own making you shift my legs on either side of your waist. I pulled away when you sucked my bottom lip into your mouth, wiping the saliva off my face with the back of my hand. "Now, Jake. I need it now."

I could feel my spine begin to tremble, and my insides start to claw at themselves. But you didn't let up, only continued to stare at me with an amused grin. "You'd do anything for it, wouldn't you? Anything I asked?"

"Yes, you know I would." You smiled bigger then, loving just you had me in the palm of your hand, willing to do anything you bid if only for a chance to touch that space that existed between this world and the next.

You nodded at your belt, and I rushed with unsteady hands to unlatch the buckle. I pulled down your zipper, and slipped my hand inside your briefs, taking your cock out. As I bent my head towards it to take it into my mouth, you pulled me up by my shoulders. "No."

Confused, I looked up seeking the solution in your eyes, any way to convince you to give me the needle my body yearned for. "The gun, Bella. Take the gun."

"Wh-why?" In my haste, I hadn't noticed the barrel that sat against your thigh. I looked at it now, the smooth skin of it glinting back at me ominously.

"Shoot him." Your eyes were dark and menacing, the pupils like streams of ink that had pooled at one spot. There was no remorse in your voice, no taunting. This was an order, one to see if I really loved you more than I loved Jasper.

"But-" I pleaded, trying to delay the inevitable.

"Didn't you say you'd anything I asked?"

Nodding, I turned away, my eyes falling to the back of his head, blonde and strangely still.

"But the cops, it's murder," I reasoned, but there was no bargaining to be done. Your lips were set in a tight line, and I knew to keep you, I'd have to do this. I'd have to shoot the man who I'd seen as an escape, an outlet from your damaging ways.

"Whose are you?"

"Yours, Jake."

"Would I let anything happen to you?" You stroked a rough hand into my hair, weaving your fingers through my brown locks, and brought my forehead to your lips. "Mhmm, would I?"

"No." I began sobbing then, my hands clutching at the collar of your shirt. "Jake-."

"Do you love me?" The soothing, seductive tone of your voice made the hairs on the back of my neck stand, made me want to obey.

"Yes," I sniffed.

"Do this for me, and I'll forgive you for everything you've done."

"Promise?"

"I do."

My hands wrapped around the barrel, and you positioned my hands the way they were suppose to be holding the gun. Turning, I aimed at Jasper, breathing softly, ignorant to what was about to happen. I whispered, so softly that you couldn't hear, "I'm sorry," and pulled the trigger.

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed it! It was so much fun to write, and very fulfilling. I learn so much about myself when I write, and that's why I think I love it so much. Please leave me a review telling me your thoughts, and I'll try to get another chapter up soon. Until then!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This is the second of many updates I plan for the month ahead for my stories. I sincerely apologize for my absence, but hope that you will all forgive me. Thank you.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

 **Note: Unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own.**

* * *

I remember the first time you'd ever introduced me to him, how different things had been before they were destined to implode. Jasper Whitlock, Chicago's own drug-lord, and your supplier. Whatever he could get hold of, you would push on the streets, looking for the junkies that lurked in the shadows, desperate for their next fix.

You kept the pills, the dope, and the weed in the safe, letting me know I was never to tell anyone just what you hid in the closet behind your clothes. I watched from your bed, always curious, always fearsome just before it was time for you to meet someone in the alley behind the apartment building.

You'd taken me in on the verge of homelessness, so I was no one to judge. You didn't use, and that had been good enough for me. You never brought anyone home that you didn't trust, and you always made sure I was taken care of. I had loved you blindly, openly, and that's what had led me to my downfall. I had never thought you'd hurt me in the way you did.

I hadn't been on the heroin yet, and so I when I met Jasper, I saw him with eyes clear of the haze that would become the most prominent feature of my life. With the edges dulled, it was easier to accept that this is where I had found myself, that you were now the one pulling my strings, twisting my limbs this way and that to entertain yourself.

You two shook hands, your grip firm, yet devoid of the malice you would soon feel for him. His eyes wandered over to me at your side, and I could feel a blush begin in the skin of my cheeks, drifting further down to my neck. The side of his lip turned up in a grin, and I fought hard to dispel the lust I felt bloom underneath his gaze. Even then I had known it was wrong of me to want him, and belong to you.

"This is my girl, Bella," you said with a smile in your voice, your hand coming to stroke my hair down my back with untold affection. I blushed further at your prideful admission, and returned your kiss when you leaned down to take my lips, mindful of how Jasper's eyes seemed to burn into us.

"She's beautiful. Almost puts Alice to shame." She hadn't been at his side then, if she had, I don't know if she would have taken what he said as a compliment, or condemned me from the start. Whatever the case, I didn't know how to accept his praise. Not until I saw that it pleased you to be envied, though this strange gleam of suspicious worry came into your eyes at the same time.

I had made dinner for the three of us that night. Chicken Parmesan with warm Italian bread fresh from the oven. Opening the foil up at the table, we were all hit with steam. Tearing pre-cut slices from the loaf, I made due to butter each. I could feel his eyes, and yours on me, and my hands shook without my meaning for them to.

"She's a shy one," Jasper mused, sending me a sly grin.

Your eyes smoldered as you gazed at me from your side of the table. "That's why I love her so much."

We ate in silence for the most part, and I listened to the small tidbits you and Jasper exchanged, becoming more and more lost the longer the two of you talked. After a while, I stopped paying attention to your actual words, and just listened to the sound of your voice and his. I didn't mind being excluded, in fact, it was peaceful not being the center of attention for once.

* * *

Later that night you had thrust into me, making sure to swivel your hips so that your pelvis would hit my clit with every pass. I could feel myself clenching around you, my walls milking your hard cock.

"That's it, baby," You'd urged, the fingers of your right hand reaching to tweak my left nipple. You pulled at the hardened bud roughly, knowing I would gush at your harsh treatment.

"Jake! Jake!" Even without the drugs, the sex had been amazing, all consuming and earth shattering. You'd pulled out and shot come on my stomach and breasts, before pushing back inside to rest in my wet heat.

Your eyes had been liquid molten, the sight of the streams of white on my skin already getting you hard for a second time.

"Lick it up," you said. My fingers dipped into the white before I brought them up to my mouth, and keeping your eyes, I sucked your come off my skin. Shy, bashful Bella was drowned in lust, giving me more courage to do the things I'd never dreamed I'd be doing.

"Fuck." You began thrusting once more, and my already sensitive nerves couldn't handle it. Within moments, you had me whimpering your name, begging for any kind of mercy. I didn't know if I wanted you to stop or keep going. All I knew was that you were destroying some place inside me that knew right from wrong, stripping me down until there was nothing else that remained but you.

"I knew the second I saw you, how sweet you would be. Come baby, come again." You took my legs into your hands until my ankles were on your shoulders.

I began to cry at the intensity of the angle, of the moment. "It's too much. I can't-"

"You can, baby. Just look at me." I came apart at the sight of your eyes looking into mine. How you'd loved me then, so selflessly.

"One more." You flipped us over so that I was straddling your lap. I began to sob, overwhelmed and tired and breathless. It took all the effort and energy I had, my hands shaking as they pushed at your chest for leverage. You held my hips down as you thrust upward, hitting that spot you knew was sure to put me over the edge.

"Fuck, Bella. Fuck, I love you." You squeezed my clit between your rough fingers, and grasped at my breast before leaning to suckle a nipple into your mouth. You wrung every ounce of pleasure you could, and still wanted more. I wasn't ever sure I could give it all to you, but you made sure I did.

You swallowed my scream, holding me down on your cock so I couldn't leave. You licked the tears off my face, and held me as I came down, so out of breath, I'd thought I've never have enough air for my lungs again.

* * *

Afterward, we lay tangled in each others arms. You were on the verge of falling sleep, but startled when I made a move to swing my legs over the side of the bed.

'Where're you going?" You rubbed at your eyes, and closed your hand around my wrist, sleepily urging me back to bed.

"I need to pee."

"Hurry back." Your eyes had been closed, and I watched as every muscle in your body relaxed, loosening in sleep. Languidly you lay, unaware of just how I admired the softness of your features in sleep.

I had leaned over and brushed my lips against yours, running my fingers through your soft hair. I never would have dreamed this would be the last time our love seemed so effortless, as easy as breathing.

I left the room, and walked down the hall in only a shirt that stopped mid thigh. A noise stopped me with my hand on the knob of the bathroom door.

"Jasper?" I whispered, seeing his figure come around the bend where the kitchen morphed into the edge of the hallway.

If I had known that Jasper had been lurking, would I have still gone down the path I did? Would I still have encouraged his hands and his lips only mere feet from where you lay? Would I have enjoyed it as much as I did, only more so, the excitement and thrill of the rush of knowing making the sin that much more desirable?

I didn't know. I never could. What was done was done, and the blood, his blood seeping through his golden hair made it so that every moment came back, clear, as vivid and visceral as breathing new life into the memory.

"Bella." he'd whispered into the night, his voice soft and seductive despite the surprise that lurked just underneath the surface. All I had been able to see from the distance between us had been his long silhouette, the ends of his blond hair curling just at the top of his neck. "What are you doing out of bed?"

He had come closer then, the lines of his face hitting the light just right so I could get a clear glimpse of his eyes. Desire pooled in their depths, and I almost wanted to ask if he had heard us, had listened to us and gotten riled up.

I felt a deep blush begin along my body, and I was grateful for the darkness despite how it had seemed to create static between us, urging us to fuse together. I could feel the electricity tingle in the ends of my fingertips, the need to touch him only growing stronger the longer he gazed at me, knowing full well it was forbidden to want something that wasn't his. I think that made him even more reckless, the thrill of challenging you setting off something inside of him.

"I..I was just going to the bathroom," my voice sounded thick and husky in my throat. It matched the lust in his eyes, the silent appraisal that hadn't been spoken. I didn't have a chance to say anything else before he pushed me against the wall, his hips grinding into mine until my pelvis was flush against his.

I could feel the length of him, his hardness pressing into where you had been only minutes before. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips, nor could could I help pulling him closer, not when he weaved his strong hand into my hair and pulled my head roughly, claiming me with his tongue.

"Jake," I had protested, only to silenced by his lips. I'll never forget the fear I felt then, the utter shame. I never meant to betray you.

I know now why you made me do it. I know why you made me shoot him. I only wish our roles could have been reversed. That I would have been on the other side of your anger, bleeding out on the dirty floor of our living room instead of him.

* * *

 **A/N: Any and all reviews are greatly appreciated.**

 **Yours,**

 **a nyr byrjun**


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